Monday, April 3, 2017

Zombie say hi

 Zombie.... yay..... I think I am becoming  already became a zombie.
Yup, in the end I ended up engaged to this girl whom my family arranged for me. She is a good girl. 
I remembered what I told my best friend before.... only thing I can promise her is that she will be the only woman in my life. Of course I cant tell her if there not gonna be any more guys. 
But..... as i am getting older..... the libido isn't there anymore. Something wrong? Within these 3 years, do have some encounter, but end up..... not enjoying them...
Hmmmm.... as i said before... I surrender..... i am not gonna fight... not gonna resist.... not gonna do anything. I am a prisoner in my own mind and in the end I turned into zombie.
How it gonna end..... not ugly i hope........

Sunday, December 14, 2014


Must pay one....... cannot cheat sia. What is borrowed must returned.
For me, now is the time to return what I owed. I had been living my life for these 10 years. 
I had my fill, I had my share. No regrets. No matter how my life will turned out later. It doesn't matter, because, He had been the most wonderful thing that ever happened in my life.
When I think of it this way, my depression seems gone. 
2 years had passed. I found it impossible to love another man beside him. 
Sex? It felt empty if that man is not him; Maybe I am just being demisexual?
When a man, lost his love, all that can drive him to live will be career.
I had returned to Sarawak. It had been one week here. I already got a job too.
**Just an update 

Friday, October 10, 2014

The Battle

The silence that surround me,
The shield that i made to protect me,
The wills that motivate me,
The tasks that awaits me.

Friends that color my life,
Friends whose life that I present,
Every beginning will have its end,
Let me be the bad guy to lessen your pain.


The life that I knew will end soon. It's a phase in life, one that all of us will face one day. I had make my thinking deep and clear. Yea, I have to make my decision, not to be selfish. My life will no longer be mine (maybe). 

These five years living abroad and another 4 far from family. I now realized, my family need me more now. No more running away..... No more hiding..... No more excuse..... I had my fill in these 10 years. Its time to sacrifice my freedom. It's time to face my real battle. 


Just came back from Kuching from attending my friend's wedding. Sitting at the table with one of my best friend. He is becoming a father soon. We had our beer after the dinner. The second time I had em, two years ago since his wedding. It was the first time I got drunk. Maybe I was too happy. Maybe I just cant accept the fact, that my friends now are living in different phase in their life, We used to spend time watching football, movies, studies, talking about girls, about future. Thing changes, for the good or the bad.

This trip however, make me feel how blessed I am. People whom I used to call friends; People whom I had not keep in touch with for years and even decades; Still regard me as their friend. That feeling of belonged.... Strengthened my will to sacrifice my freedom, hopefully for the greater good. 

                           *I surrender*

Friday, January 10, 2014

Unfinished business #1

Oh yea, change my name to Mr ET.... whizkid is good... but aged already... doesn't suit me already... 老了。(No worry, not a depressed post)

What goes up and never goes down?
Practical answer: Age/time
Humorous answer: Fuel price/ais kosong
Other answer?

Luckily... for some (hopefully none), weight do goes down.... If you are aware of it. Another inspirational video went viral these few days. Wonder if you guys watch it, Story of Lucas Irwin.

Around this time last year, I noticed I start to forget stuff. I mean it is kinda serious. So I bought a notebook, bring it with me everywhere, and start writing down notes of thing that I do, stuff that I buy, place I been, appointment with friends and many more.

I got better, but not good enough. Thus discussing this problem with friends. Diagnosing, diagnosing, we came out with conclusion, that the stress at home could have led to this (I call that time period drama time). The theory is, my body (or my brain) switch on a self defense mechanism by making me forgetting recent stuff that happened. Usually I will remember to extend of color of shirt someone worn, what they said etc but during the drama time, my memory start to fail me.

Solution, I discussed with tuls before, he suggested me to move out. I did think of that, but, my heart just couldn't make me. But being away from this house I stay is indeed important. I choose to look for hobby. At first, I thought maybe chess or mahjong? Because I believe these activities can train my brain. However I didn't manage to find any kaki. During that time, I played boardgame instead - Catan, Munchkin etc. But then again it does not sustain.

Slowly and slowly, I get to know people in Comic Mart (Midvaley). Slowly and slowly I involved in Magic the gathering. Slowly and slowly I made new friends. It had been a wonderful time.

1 year later.
My memory problem seems to lessen. I don't simply forget stuff now. I still play magic, but lesser. Brain problem gone I think. So I guess now I can try to settle another problem. A problem that I faced after I came to KL to study..... Weight problem.

My weight went down, compare to 2 years ago. Last year, it neither goes up but it also don't goes down. I tried but my health was not so good last year. However, this shall not be an excuse not to finish my unfinished business... since I targeted last year to wear pants of certain size for x'mas. This year I must reach my target. Fight on!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy New Year

Hope it is not too late tho, still first week of new year mah. 

So I just came back from The Land of the Hornbill.
During the Xmas week, monsoon was strong. On the fifth day of xmas, it rain non-stop and my hometown was flooded. My house was rather low... but miraculously my house area was not flooded. Thx to all who called me asking abt my houses :3
Other places were flooded badly... first storey was totally invaded by water...

Now talking about celebrating new year.  My family was not really celebrating...... Only me kepoh-kepoh buying the food... doing barbecue etc.... haiz.... and I always thought of celebrating new year with them as if it is my last... instead..... the mood is gone. My younger brother and sister also... haiz...... left me alone with my parents.... (can't blame them lar, work and study ma)

Regarding the year's resolution. I only have 1 for the whole list:
1. Finishing the unfinished business. (Now thats a lot!!)

Looking back into last year..... It happened to be 1 of my worst year. Hope this year will do me good.... Haha. Cheerio.

Wonder if you guys watched his video. Troye Sivan is one of my favorite youtuber! He is kinda funny and cute and.... I can just feel the life force in him. hahahahahaha

Monday, December 16, 2013

2013 so far.....

Long time no see..... haih~
2 more weeks then the year will end.... Yay?
Well, this year had not been so nice.... at least to me lor..... 1 word to describe: Sickly...
Tonsilitis seems very common to me now....
Met Dr this morning and he said... my immune system is deteriorating... hahahaha
Come what may....
This Friday will go back to Sarawak, getting ready for X'mas.... Yeepee
However, 1 thg still worries me..... My master bila mahu habis wor....
Really wasted at least 1 year doing nothg.... mcb, kns
Now back to X'mas....
My mum seems to miss all of us....
I have this thought of going back home, don't do PhD first....
Dunno lar
Smartphone, got my first 1 this year for my birthday....
Stolen during August..... kns
Bought second 1 this month..... Ninetology Z1+
Hope it will stay long with me~
Mr S is attached! With someone else of cos, wish him all the happiness in the world
Hahaha, seeing other ppl happy, make me happy
Although some may not believe it....
Screw them, I laugh when I want, I sing when I want...
Hope for a better year for me next year, hahahahaha

Adieu for now

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


#Cleaning# Cleaning# Cleaning#

Have been taking a break from blogging for months now.
What to update? Hmmmmmm
1. Met with Mr Ash few weeks back. Omg, he is like a twin of mine..... As in.... we do share certain interest in you know - guys. And I noticed (I think he too) we will looked into the same type of guy. Dangerous...

2. Back into Magic The Gathering. After long periods of dramas.... (to be frank my drama although I thought it had ended long time ago, it will just resurfaced)... Had been 2 months now. Investing money into a hobby again ~.~ Nerdy life here I come.

3. Mr.S and I still contacting each other. Although nothing romantic blooms between us, but he is among rare people whom I think I can talked my heart out with. Sometimes, friendship is better than partnership. Don't you think?

4. Yohohoho, got my first Android smartphone last month (for my birthday) T_T.

5.What will you do to a person...... this 1 will be in another post.

Well anyway, just want to drop by to say "I am back (in Arnold's voice)"

Back to cleaning~