The Battle

The silence that surround me,

The shield that i made to protect me,

The wills that motivate me,

The tasks that awaits me.

Friends that color my life,

Friends whose life that I present,

Every beginning will have its end,

Let me be the bad guy to lessen your pain.

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The life that I knew will end soon. It's a phase in life, one that all of us will face one day. I had make my thinking deep and clear. Yea, I have to make my decision, not to be selfish. My life will no longer be mine (maybe). 

These five years living abroad and another 4 far from family. I now realized, my family need me more now. No more running away..... No more hiding..... No more excuse..... I had my fill in these 10 years. Its time to sacrifice my freedom. It's time to face my real battle. 

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Just came back from Kuching from attending my friend's wedding. Sitting at the table with one of my best friend. He is becoming a father soon. We had our beer after the dinner. The second time I had em, two years ago since his wedding. It was the first time I got drunk. Maybe I was too happy. Maybe I just cant accept the fact, that my friends now are living in different phase in their life, We used to spend time watching football, movies, studies, talking about girls, about future. Thing changes, for the good or the bad.

This trip however, make me feel how blessed I am. People whom I used to call friends; People whom I had not keep in touch with for years and even decades; Still regard me as their friend. That feeling of belonged.... Strengthened my will to sacrifice my freedom, hopefully for the greater good. 

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                           *I surrender*