Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Girls, marriage and gays

Lol Calvin C, in response to your question at the chat box.

First, I don't hate girls. I like them, but nothing more than friends. Once, I did have a gf, but then after that accident, i never find a new person like her or to replace her. It took me around more than 10 years before I get into relationship, and this time with a man, my ex.

The thing is, from my point of view, when we like someone, it is not supposed to be bounded by religion, races or gender. Even age. Everyone should have the freedom to love and rights to choose their lifestyle. I love someone because, he is him and it is not because of his gender or anything. How to explain, when you see him, you will have problem in breathing, your ear or face will feel warm, you heartbeat will go very fast. and when he passed through you, you will want to smell him, even if a bit, even if a gush. This same goes to the straight, when they find a girl they liked - what I want to say is, you know you are gay when you have the same feeling towards a guy.

Usually when you're in love, no matter where you are or what time you're in, you will only remember of him. Same goes with the straight they will go gaga towards the girl they like. If you still don't get my point - the only difference that a gay or a straight guy should have is on the gender of person they liked. Thats all. If everyone can understand this, the world will be a better place. But sadly, in Malaysia, it is still a taboo to many.

Now talking about marriage.... what happen Calvin? Your parents arranged you a marriage??? =P
Well, if you know you are gay, and you only getting married just to please your parents and the society.... then better don't. Coming out of closet is a very very big decision. To avoid marriage choose to come out to their family. 1 thing for sure, not everyone can accept the fact their son is gay. For those accepted, yeah to you. For those who don't and want to remain closeted (like me), there gonna be a lot of pressure from all sides. Society, family and friends. For friends, I came out to them one by one- for now, they are quite cool with it (not many though).

Marriage is something that is supposed to be sacred. It is a stage where 2 individuals want to announce to the world of their readiness of living together as a family and are recognized by others. It is also a way of telling others "get your hand off my hubby/wifey". Don't know about you, for me, marriage shouldn't be used as a tool, no matter what the conditions are.

Some might ask "what is a lesbian girl asked me for a "fake" marriage just to please your parents - both sides will be okay with the marriage and you can avoid suspicions from others"
 - my answer would be "if she asked me for a fake marriage, I would refuse to. It can solve my problem (rushed by parent for marriage), but, it will create a new problem in future. I rather live as myself, I will keep my sexuality a secret till I can manage to live on my own, but I will not use someone as scapegoat to conceal my secret"

If my family is to find out about me, I will not deny it. What is meant to happen will happen one day. We have enough problem, so why create more?

Lastly, don't worry about living as gay, but worry more on how to live as a human. There are more to do and to worry at.

p/s: Calvin, this is just according to my point of view. Others might not agree with it. I don't hate girls, I won't get married and I never regret my sexuality. And I believe in 1 thing - freedom to love.

Quote of the day:
"It is hard enough to live as the minorities, and as a minorities among the minorities, instead of making more troubles, wasn't it better if we look after each other."
(forgot who liao)

Just for ur entertainment. A video clip I believe support my belief - the freedom to love - no matter who u liked. Long live Gary!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011



o o o o Loading o o o o 


There are times, when we need to be in solitude. Away from people, away for work, away doing own stuff to calm down, to think carefully and to see things clearly. For past 1 month, that is what happening to me.

To be frank, I am never the same person after that incident. There are time I am determined, there are time I am regretting and there are time when I am doubting. This 1 month, I don't know if I had found what I am seeking for. 

He had been there for too long, first love (at least toward a guy) is hardest to forget. So many first times, looking at place you went before, listening to music that both of you liked, looking at dates of those important event, those type of memory, somehow will make you doubt, if the decision is a correct one.

Solitude, I cut off my life from my normal routine. Cutting off my connection with other people, this include games, this blogs, and friends. I went to gym pun alone. Go back pun alone. But this is not because I am lonely, but because I choose to be in solitude, to give space to oneself to think deeply of what matters. 

Problem is easier for some to see in another person, but for those involved, it is harder for them to solve. I don't know if my period of solitude helped me or not.

Forget the past and grasp the future, that is the conclusion that I made. Easier said than done, but this 1 month, I had been thinking very few of him. It is almost 100 days now, 3 months of separation, loss of connection. 

Each time I said I am fine, I am lying to myself. But to heal, this is what that must be done.

So guys, I am back. No longer am I in my state of solitude. This blog is back. Well, time to reload another RM 30 into my phone..... gonna have around RM 70+ soon... 

p/s Calvin C, I will write for your question in next blog post. 

...... Reconnection successful......

Quote of the day 
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
Dale Carnegie

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Thx for the censoring + pictorial instruction on how to access em'

Lately, our government censored a lot of websites (which is used for downloading) such as : Filestube, megaupload etc etc etc.

Well, thx to them, I now can access porn website which I tot is not possible last time. i.e: redtube (nvr been here), xtube (my first reference for gay porn - mostly amateur), sunporno (bunch of asian twinks), tube8, xhamster (a lot of twinks), usually before the censorship I went to hornygeek and boyfriendTV.... Well all thx to Robby's post here on how to surf banned software. So guys, pls share it out on how to change the DNS setting.

First click Start 

Then click the Control Panel 
(then click network and internet --> network and sharng centre)

(right click ur main internet connection and click on the properties)

After that click the Internet Protocol version 4 (TCP/ IPv4) then click the properties

Next next next 

after I change this setting, I can enter websites I can't enter last time. (this is call changing the DNS)
Other Free DNS that you can type beside are (as taken from Robbie's blog)

Direct copy-paste punya 


=> Service provider: Google
Google public dns server IP address:

=> Service provider:Dnsadvantage
Dnsadvantage free dns server list:

=> Service provider:OpenDNS
OpenDNS free dns server list / IP address:

=> Service provider:Norton
Norton free dns server list / IP address:

=> Service provider: GTEI DNS (now Verizon)
Public Name server IP address:

=> Service provider: ScrubIt
Public dns server address:

Other anti-censorship DNS servers: (German sehr schnell! (German (German Privacy Foundation e.V.) (German Privacy Foundation e.V.) (German Privacy Foundation e.V.) (German Privacy Foundation e.V.) langsam! (FoeBuD e.V.) (ClaraNet) (ClaraNet) (Chaos Computer Club Berlin) (OpenNIC, Australien) (OpenNIC, Australien) (OpenNIC, Australien) (OpenNIC, Brasilien) (OpenNIC, Deutschland) (OpenNIC, Frankreich) (OpenNIC, USA)
2002:d857:54d2:2:20e:2eff:fe63:d4a9 (OpenNIC, IPv6 USA)
2001:470:1f07:38b::1 (OpenNIC, IPv6 USA)
2001:470:1f10:c6::2 (OpenNIC, IPv6 USA) (OpenNIC, USA) (, ISC)
2001:4f8:0:2::14 (, IPv6, ISC) (; anycast DNS!) (Erdgeist) (UDK Berlin) (Dataflash) (ValiDOM) (URZ Uni Heidelberg) (, Schweiz) (OpenDNS) (OpenDNS) (Comodo Secure DNS) (Comodo Secure DNS) (Freie DNS-Server) (Freie DNS-Server) (Google Public DNS) (Google Public DNS) (jali/CCCHB

Well since I used Window 7, tis is enough for me. You guys can refer here if u used linux or Mac OS.

p.s: Need to tat I can't resist = Twink + asian

Quote of the day:
"Sharing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is unhealthy random quirks are needed to keep the wheel going, giving everything away in the beginning will only seal a monotonous love life."

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

100th post

Today accompany my friend buying gift for his future-in-law at Balakong there.

At first dun wan to go... but he bribed me with a free session at green box, so off I go <3

Initially, I suggested tea for him (he said wan somethg cheap but good-budget around 100~200 like tat). Then he said, accordign to his gf, his in-law prefer to drink coffee.... So, instead we went to Eu Yan Seng. There he bought ginseng wine.

Now back to karaoke.... seems like some of the song..... is soulless to me already. The songs that I loved to sing, now I already lost the feeling singing - unlike few months back... maybe the feeling is not there. I dun even sing songs that is for the broken hearted.

Example few song that I think entered my new song list are:


Besides that, I just noticed this post is my 100th post. Rarely update lately. Thx guys for reading my blogs. You guys are super awesome. A lot of sweet and bitter happened when I started this blogs. When I read back, it traced back the journey that I made... though it is not that far yet, but at least when I read back, it bring back memory. I have not wrote ALL that happened here but when I go to certain dates and blog post, I can remember clearly the happenings. Sometimes it bring smiles, sometimes it bring tears. I am always truthful when i wrote because the end of the days, it recorded the things that happened and how I felt when I wrote 'em. 

Next, I am thankful knowing most of u bloggers out there (though most of us never met in person before). Tulsie (this include dancerboy bubu too), Calvin J, Calvin C, Lionfever, Eric, Danny, Ray, William, Vincent (coughcough*name* here too), Ash, Sky, Deicidal, Chen Xing (hehe, I include kidz here too), and many many more. You guys are awesome! If I do have that type of luck, we may meet in the future. 

No, tis is not the start of 100, 200 post thingy thgs, Just tat i have left 2 digits post and next would be 3 digits post, 4 digits etc etc etc. 

So guys, good days to you and good luck. :)

p/s: Deicidal: Couldn't find "I wish you love" in Greenbox.... tat sux. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Tunggu kamu 3 ribu tahun...

Me..... Back........


I am sure many of you had watch this movie before. 
Well this post is dedicated to those who is facing LDR or is going to face LDR.
Or maybe is more like encouragement?

I like this version more than the drama.
Their sound resonate well and her voice is haunting... "ne yo, ne yo"

This lady waited for 3000 years for her beloved general. 
They never even said "I love you" before
and yet, she still can wait for him, for 3000 years.

Maybe 3000 years is too much for normal human.
and 30 years is legendary enough
while 3 years is a challenge
then 300 days also can't wait - that is.... a joke.

Well, dunno what I am crapping here.

But I have to applaud my brother (the sailor), he had been in relationship with his gf for almost 2 years now and it can be consider as LDR or maybe worse than that. In 1 year, he only manage to meet her for maybe the most 2 times. (She stays in Kuching, while my brother usually sails and is on sea for 6 months and on land for 4 months). Basically, he can only meet her 2 times a year and have to travel by flight 1 hours or by bus 10 hours just to meet her.
Me? I am still far from involving myself in any relationship for now. I like my current state. 
What happen last week?
1. filling soil into 30 pack of karung guni - make it around 40 kg each karung guni
2. Carry them into jeep with help of 1 my friend.
3. Carry out from jeep into glasshouse.
4 Ponteng UPM for few days because of the backache and sunburn 
Quote of the day:

" 能等待3000年的是神话, 300天都不到的叫废话 " 
Translate: Can wait for 3000 years - thats a myth, can't even wait for 300 days.... that's bullshit. 

Monday, June 6, 2011


*Ouch* *Ouch*

Still sore from the gym I went last Saturday.

That Saturday also joined the body balancing class. I think I work out more for that 1 hours. It is a torture.
1. I am not flexible enough
2. I am not relaxed enough - how not to stress wor???

My soreness I think come from that class..... maybe I shud join body combat or funk dance next time. But I dun hate body balancing class.... just that..... I still feel sore at my thing, harmstring, arms and stomach area. *ouch *ouch .....

Since had been ages since I really exercise, I will take it slow first.... maybe once per week for now? Then increase to 2 times a week, then 3 times. for now... I can't go for 2 weekends gym session.

I took the package. So the package will end till next February. I dunno if I can last that long or not.... The motivation, the determination, the I-don't-want-my-money-wasted kiasuness mind set will survive till then???

So now... I officially joined my first gym

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Ke-sohai-an tak terhingga

Today was expecting friend to visit from Sibu......
When I prepare to go out from my house to go to KL sentral....

I got his phone call....
Sorry I can't make it!
huh? Why???
I bought wrong ticket...
I bought July 1st... instead of June 1st...

Like this also can meh????

So expect him to come on July 1st liao lor...... the return ticket can burn liao lor.......

By the way today is Gawai at Sarawak.